oliver saria

Fat Man Wishes He Could Grow Slimming Beard

SEATTLE, WA - Burt Waters, 34, bemoaned his inability to grow a slimming beard during a private chatroom conversation with Trekker and fellow lard-ass, Andrew Wisnewski. Waters was prompted by the question, “When did Riker totally bloat? It seems like the second episode.” Waters replied, “Actually, it happened in episode 27, ‘The Child,’ the opener for Season 2. That’s when he first grew his fat man’s beard. God, I wish I could grow me one of those. Beats the South Beach diet anyday.” Wisnewski added, “George Lucas totally hides his goiter with his.” The conversation quickly transitioned into a debate over who would win an interstellar battle between Enterprise D and a Star Destroyer.