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Man Purchases Less Elitist Black Headphones

NEW YORK CITY, NY - Mitch Greenfeld, 30, in an attempt to appear less elitist, recently purchased top-of-the-line Sennheiser earbud headphones in black to replace the white model that came with his 40 gigabyte clickwheel iPod. According to Greenfeld, he justified the additional and albeit useless $15 purchase by asserting that they keep him from “looking like a corporate shill.”

“Steve Jobs doesn’t honestly think I’m going to be a walking billboard for him, does he?” Greenfeld added, “It’s sad. They make all these people who can’t afford an iPod feel like shit because they can’t sport those lame-ass white headphones. And, of course, they just had to be white. I wonder who came up with that?” Greenfeld, a white man, asserted, “I’m not gonna be one of those tools walking around all like, ‘Look at me. I’m so fucking cool.’”

To rise above the elitist marketing scheme, Greenfeld utilized his Apple Powerbook G5 to log onto the Internet via wireless airport card in order to find the best bargain. He located a seller on ebay who was offering the headphones at a discount. However, when Greenfeld discovered that the bidding would not end for another 36 hours, he climbed into his Toyota Prius and took advantage of it’s hybrid fuel-efficient technology to drive 23.83 miles to suburban Secaucus, NJ where he had seen the same headphones the week prior at the local BestBuy. Salesman Tanwir Singh reported, “That guy came in wanting the MX300. A fine pair – no doubt. But I told him, ‘You might as well shell out an extra eight bucks for the MX500 with windup carrying case and dynamic bass boost.’ He totally went for it.” Moreover, Singh convinced Greenfeld to spend an extra $150 on the following accessories: a black leather carrying case, a radio transmitter, a car charger, and a microphone.

In a statement regarding the other accessories, Greenfeld explained, “Scratches will totally fuck up my ‘If lost, please return to me’ engraving on the back. So I had to get the case. And the radio transmitter is good because the airways are choked with corporate radio stations. But I only really listen to the radio when I’m driving – hence the car charger.”

When asked about the microphone, Greenfeld happily explained that he intends to record the deejay sets at the hip-hop record store he owns and operates - Yo Mama’s in the recently gentrified Brooklyn neighborhood of Bedford-Stuyvesant. “I’ve been wanting to give back because hip hop means so much to me. I just happened to see this opening for a new retail space that popped up out of nowhere, and I just jumped at it - in Bed-Stuy, no less. How sweet is that?” Greenfeld plans to burn cd’s of the deejay sets and sell them. “Hey, with iTunes I could totally make mp3’s and charge for downloads. If this technology can help me preserve urban black culture, then I guess it ain’t so bad.”